Am I too far along?

When you are pregnant you get a lot of conflicting feedback and messages about your belly and body. Not so great for those with well established body image issues already. Never before, and possibly (hopefully) never again, will friends, family, and strangers feel so comfortable exercising their freedom of speech in relation to your body. Personally I have never offered a pregnant woman such statements unless they were totally positive ("Wow! I hope I look like you when I am pregnant!"), or if prompted - and then I would lie. Says pregnant girl: "I can't believe how big I am! I just look fat, not pregnant!" Me: "I am sure gaining 30 pounds in your first trimester is normal! Mother Nature knows what she is doing." And I am proud of these lies, especially if they offered comfort to the poor woman who gained all of her expected pregnancy weight in the first three months because now I know there aren't many people who hold back.

Even if people don't right out say you've gained too much weight or directly make comments about your body, often what they want to say is just beneath the surface of what they've said. Let's take today as an example. I ran in to an extended family member who had a baby several years ago. She, like everyone, asked me to show her my belly.

"Aw, you look so cute!"

"Thanks, I can't believe I have already gained twenty-five pounds and I still have two-and-a-half months to go. Sara told me she only gained thirty-four her whole pregnancy."

Believing that the person I was talking to was going to make me feel better, maybe tell me that I probably would only gain a few more pounds or that Mother Nature was doing her best work, I was annoyed when she responded with, "I only gained eighteen pounds my whole pregnancy." I swear I saw her eyes light up. I also always think women lie about how much weight they have gained, like, as time goes on they keep increasing their pre-pregnancy weight so they only "gain" as much as they hoped they would.

After she left I put myself on task to discover how much one should gain during gestation. Most websites advise 25-35 pounds, depending on your pre-pregnancy weight. Then I found a pregnancy weight gain calculator, which indicated I had met the maximum recommended weight gain. Next I searched for a breakdown of where all this weight is coming from (or being attributed to)and decided that I must be carrying a much larger baby than most women, and it is likely my breasts have grown at least two pounds a piece, and considering I always retain a lot of water even when I am not pregnant, I probably have an extra five or so pounds from that. Then I realized I was foolish. And then I redirected my thoughts to the friends I have had who gained eight-five or more pounds during pregnancy. And to the one who claims to have only gained twenty-one pounds, but who I thought was a little heavy pre-pregnancy anyway, so she didn't need to gain so much.

Fortunately, a few hours later another family friend happened to swing by my office and basically congratulated me on how great I looked and how "tiny" I was. Then I wondered if she was being serious, then I remembered she told me that she had blown up like a Greyhound bus when she was pregnant. Then I thought that her perception may be off due to her own ridiculous pregnancy weight gain. Then I started hating skinny people all over again.

Sometimes when I walk down the hall past two women I will hear them say, "Aw, she looks so cute!" Sometimes when I tell someone how far along I am they look horrified that I am the size I am. Other times they can't believe how tiny I am. I am very confused. I have no idea what to think at this point, and I am feeling beautiful and voluptuous and healthy half the time, and chunky and squishy and soft the other half.

To those of you who encounter pregnant women: Keep your comments (unless they are truths and/or lies that can only make a woman feel better) to yourself.

Now I really want some ice cream. I can't eat it without feeling guilty because I have apparently maxed out for this week in expected weight gain. Then again, I am tiny for twenty-nine weeks, right? It's less than a pound a week....