I am currently six months pregnant. Almost twenty-five weeks without a buzz, without a cigarette, without feta cheese or an Italian sub. I have replaced my vices with chocolate and craziness.
Until last week (although others may beg to differ), I have been an absolute psycho. I knew it, but I don't think I could ever fully understand the extent from an outsider's perspective. My sister recently called me out for completely changing the mood of a room when I announced, quite seriously and devoid of any emotion on my face, that I "hate skinny people right now." I thought I was just making a general observation. Then, my therapist told me that not everyone needs to know exactly what's going on in my head at any given moment. That there are actually things (thoughts) I should keep to myself. Is there anything else I should restrict myself from during pregnancy? I mean, if I can't even use my word vomit as an outlet, what do I have left? I swear, when I was allowed to drink the alcohol at least slowed my response time, so I didn't always say everything I thought.
This week, however, I have rediscovered my humor and the power of a good laugh. I also try to convince myself that I am burning calories every time I chuckle really hard, so I am motivated to at least do it for my physique. On the other hand, laughing is becoming increasingly painful due to my huge belly.
Something my husband and I laughed about for an hour last night:
"It sounded like you just unzipped death."
After he farted really loud during a movie last night.
There have been more, and I have to admit often at the expense of other people, but I am trying to keep my sense of humor about this whole business of gaining twenty-two pounds with three months to go, finding a new pocket of cellulite on my thighs each day, and mistaking scratches on my stomach for stretch marks (is it ironic I original typed "stress marks"?). I apply the stretch mark lotion so much my clothes are sticking to me. Further, I apply it to my thighs believing that the collagen will help to reduce my ability to cultivate cottage cheese on them.
